So at the end of a great tournament, there will be the official golden boot, golden ball and best goal awards. Then the sports pundits will talk at length about the best games of the tournament and why they were amazing. Well this is for those of you who love football and those of you who have just learned to appreciate it magnificence. I give you the awards that FIFA is not brave enough to endorse, the accolades that shed light on the acts of those brave men who take to the field to battle, to entertain; these modern day gladiators. I give you the Unorthodox World Cup Awards for Excellence 2010. Chosen by a panel of judges made up exclusively of yours truly.
The Cristiano Ronaldo Award for Achievement in Diving and Simulation
Daniel De Rossi - Italy
Notable Mention: Cristiano Ronaldo, Mesut Özil, Arjen Robben
The winner of this award must show complete contempt for the rules of the game, consider fair play unnecessary and think that the referee and the millions of people watching around the world will turn their backs for a few seconds. Marks are awarded for distance from tackler, vertical distance, and number of body rolls in the fetal position clutching an ankle. Facial expressions of excruciating pain are a plus. The award therefore goes to Daniel De Rossi for his effort against Paraguay. Watch as he collapses like a villain shot in a Bollywood movie, then proceded to claim innocence. Had I written this in 2006 it would have gone to his countryman Fabio Grosso, for a similar, yet more effective effort against Australia. The Azzurri continue to dominate this award. Well done.
The Keane/Scholes Tackling Award – Nigel De Jong - Netherlands
Notable Mention: Mark Van Bommel, Dennis Aogo, Felipe Melo
This award is for those that excel in the dark art of missing the ball but not the man. I remember looking at this tackle on the replay and thinking it’s a good thing he didn’t go for the ball or he would have taken out poor Xabi Alonso’s head. An unbelievably reckless challenge and yet he managed to stay on the field. At least the impression left will allow the winner's medal to fit squarely in Alonso's chest, à la Tony Stark.
Notable Mention: Sulley Ali Muntari
If anyone led by example, it was this man. At the end of an illustrious campaign with Atletico Madrid, he was the undying flame in Uruguay’s attack at the tournament. Aside from a dull opening draw with France, he made his presence felt in every match. He marshalled the ball in midfield, dropping deeper than most attacking midfielders do to recover the ball. He scored with reckless abandon, his volley against Germany the pick of the lot. He tamed the infamous Jabulani ball from the set piece. The captain that never said die in every match. The game changer, the golden ball winner. And an aliceband to boot.
Best Dressed - Joachim Loew and Hansi Flick - Germany
No Mention – Milovan Rajevac
For men who look stressed all the time, they has such a sense for fashion that they deserve a column in GQ. I first noticed this at the European championships in 2008 and Jogi and Boo boo did not fail to disappoint. Each match featured Loew and his assistant Flick sporting the same “smart casual” look. My favourite ensemble? The blue sweater and sport jacket combo, worn against Spain in the semi-final.
Backseat Manager and Angry face of the Tournament - David Beckham -England
Notable Mention: English media, Brazil
If ever there was a face that spoke of pure, unbridled hate. The kind of hate that burns in your gut when something you love so dearly is taken away from you. The kind of hate you have when someone steals your car, then adorns it with profane graffiti and procedes to crash it into your front room. On your day off. For fun. When the ball spilled by Robert Green rolled over the line, Beckham’s face captured the emotion of a nation, united in shock and embarrassment. His team could’ve used him; he was more vocal and passionate than Capello on the bench. Future England manager?
Best Moment – Gio’s Postage Stamp Effort - Netherlands
This deserves to be watched again and again. And again. It should be played in every world cup highlight reel until something better shows up. It was one of those special goals; a goal so good, you remember where you were and what you were doing when you first saw it. Zidane’s Champions League winner. Ryan Giggs’ FA Cup effort against Arsenal. And Giovanni Van Bronkhorst’s screamer against Uruguay. My words cannot describe this event in football history. So here is a video. In the words of Ian Darke in the video below, it was "an absolute firecracker".
Team of the Tournament – The All Whites of New Zealand
This team was something else. They were called the polar opposite of the more successful All Blacks rugby team. They had to beat the football powerhouses of Vanauatu and Samoa to get to South Africa. They came up against the former World Champions Italy, Slovakia who qualified first in their European group and Paraguay … who ar South American. They had never scored a point at a World Cup. No one expected them to get through. They did not win at all. But they did not lose a single match. They were the only unbeaten team in the tournament. Wonderfully done.
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